Date rape: Boyfriend must get permission before sex, Vandora says

For former Big Brother Nigeria contestant Vanessa Williams, popularly known as Vandora, sex between her and boyfriend must be consensual every time and it doesn’t matter whether or not they had been intimate prior.

Those who followed her on Big Brother Naija show would recall she had revealed that her ex-boyfriend has repeatedly raped her while she was asleep and without her consent.

Vandora has now explained more, telling Punch’s Sunday Scoop: “When I made that comment about my ex in the house, rape had just been ‘redefined’ and based on what we were told, I believed that what my former partner did could be termed as rape. It was actually a long time ago that I dated the person in question and the relationship had ended as of the time I made that comment. As a matter of fact, I’ve been in my present relationship for over five years. However, at that time, I didn’t really know the gravity of what I said.

“But it doesn’t matter that we were in a relationship; what the guy did was actually rape. If anybody is taking you against your will, it is rape, whether you’re in a relationship or not. My partner has to seek permission before we get intimate because I may not want to at that time. It doesn’t count even if we had been intimate before then. Rape is actually a big deal, and so far sex is not consensual, it is wrong.”

For those who do not know, what Vandora described is generally termed as ‘date rape’ sometimes called ‘acquaintance rape’. However, date rape specifically refers to a rape in which there has been some sort of romantic or potentially sexual relationship between the two parties. Acquaintance rape also includes rapes in which the victim and perpetrator have been in a non-romantic, non-sexual relationship, for example as co-workers or neighbours.

A lot of people especially young adults are victims of date rape without knowing it. It is important that people, both males and females understand what consensual sex means and what it does not mean, as well as what constitutes rape. It is also more important for a person, especially men to know that it is honourable to accept ‘no’ as an answer and that a woman means no when she says no.

To know more, check out this Wikipedia article.