Actress Joke Silva gives interesting perspectives on marriage and domestic violence

Nollywood veteran recently shared her thoughts on marriage and domestic violence

 

Award winning actress,  Joke Silva, who is married to fellow Nollywood veteran, Olu Jacobs revealed that she had known from a young age that she wanted an acting career touched during a chat with Daily Trust news paper. She also touched on some social issues including marriage and domestic violence.

 

Excerpts

On celebrity marriages failing, Silva has something interesting to say, “It doesn’t, not,” when asked whether i t bothers that many celebrity marriage end in divorce courts. “I think it’s important for people to know what their thresh hold of pain is, what their thresh hold of acceptability is, I think sometimes in this society we tend to say ‘Oh, you must stay in the marriage no matter what he does to you’, to the individuals who have stayed in the marriage. You will hear of some women who have stayed with their husband right throughout the difficulty and when the husband dies, you hear them, they’re so bitter because it seems as if they wasted their life and this is something that the younger generation doesn’t want to go through.”

 

Read wife Joke Silva heartwarming birthday wish as hubby Olu Jacobs clocks 75

 

She however urged empathy between couples in dealing with difficult moments, and the need to accept the changing roles and the responsibilities that comes with being members of a family.

“I think also that there is a little need for both sides to see each other as human beings. There is a tendency for us to have the wrath of a man, our boys are raised from when they’re babies, and they’re saying “ehh! Wo! O ma sawonbirin leshe” (he will deal with these women) (claps)… so when a woman all of a sudden, say that this man should become responsible, should become accepting, should be able to take a leadership position, where he is a servant leader, how? He was never brought up to be a servant leader. He was brought up to be the king of kings and lord of lords! (Claps…). So, it’s a shift thing in mindset. It’s difficult but it’s something we have to do and that is why we are seeing what we’re seeing. That is why the marriages are not making it. The woman are like, “excuse me, I’ve gone to school, I do my share in this house” you know?”

 

Silva also cautioned against the dangers of not appreciating each others contribution in relationships, and with anecdote, threw more light on her meaning. “Let me give you an example,” she began, “I remember I had a brief conversation with someone where I said ‘Oh! WOW! Your house is beautiful. Ah! Well done to you and your wife.’ He said ‘What did she contribute? It was me. I built it.’ And I said ‘Sweetie, the fact that she wasn’t asking you for the money and she was making sure it was possible for you to build the house, if she did not give you a dime towards the house, her support to you building the house is her share in the house,‘”

Silva concluded her story with an advice for partners to contribute materially as they could afford, given the mindset of the Nigerian society. “You find that a lot of mothers will say; when you are building your house, if it’s only the roof, if it’s only a few tiles you can buy, you should buy it so that you’ll have a claim of the house.”

 

On the spate of domestic violence in the country, the award winning actress expressed satisfaction that more winning are opening up on the ugly experience, and suggested that partners in conflicting relationship could give take time off to cool off and think things over. “Once the violence starts, give yourself space!,” she urged.

 

Read about: Actress Mercy Aigbe champions awareness against domestic violence

 

While highlighting and expressing sadness that domestic violence can be spirit crushing, the actress was quick to also observe that it doesn’t happen only to women as men can be victims as well. “I think it is the most spirit destroying action one can put on their lover. And it doesn’t only happen to women. It happens to men as well.”

 

However, Joke doesn’t subscribe that a woman deserves to be hit for any reason though she cautioned women to know when to refrain from causing further provocation. “I think it’s important to understand when you are getting to that point where you understand that you’ve gotten to the thresh hold. Like sometimes when I counsel young people, I say there is a role that you recognize, that if I push anything further, we’re going to be in trouble. When you hear that, when you feel it, it’s in the eyes, you can’t hide it. Each person, waka!“, she said.

 

Then she mentioned a special type of violence that is often ignored but is equally if not more damaging. “There is also the violence that people don’t associate to domestic violence and that is the emotional violence. Emotional violence is the violence that is so deadly because you don’t see it. It damages the person psychologically.  However, she believes that here family and friends can help victims of emotional abuse to become aware and seek help. “I finally called I think the onus is on those who love the person. To let them see it and be aware of it. Marriage is not do or die affair,” she concluded.

 

 

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