Is that guy’s subtweet about you? Do they watch all your Instagram Stories? Facebook pokes are still a thing, right?
(GC). You may think social media is all about the baby pics, decorative lunches and passive-aggressive promotion of your aspirational lifestyle, but it’s also a hotbed of sexual tension. While most people are happy to read your updates about your daily commute and coo about how woke you are when you link to a piece in the Guardian, there are also plenty out there absolutely gagging for it and, by extension, you.
But how can you tell if they’re really into you and not just being polite users of the internet? The Guyliner writing for GQ magazine said that he had investigated some common social media behaviour to see if they’re giving you a come-on or merely friend-zoning. Read about his findings cum opinon below.
1. Faves all your tweets
OK, so favouriting on Twitter involves a love heart, practically the most romantic symbol in the world, alongside a huge engagement ring and a bicycle made for two. Sadly, a keen faver isn’t necessarily after getting into your boxers – they might, weird I know, simply agree with what you say.
Maybe test this out by tweeting something so ears-shatteringly dull and pedestrian that nobody could find it interesting or amusing unless they were sex-starved and desperate for your attention. A particularly dull sandwich, perhaps, or a lukewarm, days-old take on world events. Do a series of them – don’t worry, you can delete them later if you’re worried about alienating your core fanbase – and if they fave the majority, they’re flirting. Trust me, I’m an anecdata scientist.
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2. Likes all your shirtless selfies on Instagram
This could go either way. It could be a ruse to get you to compliment their selfies. So look at it another way. How sexy are their selfies? And do they post them just after you do or around the time they like one of yours? They could be selfie-baiting you. It’s like a private show or a secret love note, but out in full view of the world, because it’s 2017. Instagram might look like an innocent, twee picture-sharing app where #eatclean enthusiasts can rant about kale to their heart’s content, but it’s actually the gritty, sordid – and thus brilliant – underground sex club of the internet. When they post a selfie, you should do one too, and then like theirs. If they race back and like yours, I mean, it is pretty much on. Maybe.
3. Watches all your Instagram stories
Instagram Stories – those live snippets of your day that helpfully disappear after 24 hours to spare your blushes – are renowned for being at the centre of an ongoing struggle for supremacy in the flirting and dating stakes. Read Hannah Ewens’s comprehensive and gripping story for Vice on getting the best out of Instagram Stories – and possibly getting sex as a result. “You post a picture with one, two or more people in mind. You want them to see it. They are doing the same… You lay the trap, they open the trap: the power is with you. They deliberately choose not to open it, to leave you waiting: the power is lost.” Guys, it’s another world – you need to get involved. That video of them absentmindedly singing along to a song you’ve mentioned you liked? Intentional. Flirting. You might think it’s just a coincidence and that you’re overthinking it, but there’s every chance it’s targeted directly at you – they’re just making it look like it isn’t. (Disclaimer: this doesn’t mean everyone who films themselves in their underwear and miming into a hairbrush fancies you – maybe they’re just really bored.)
