So, there is something known as a sense of propriety, propriety being defined as “conformity to conventional standards of behaviour or morality,” according to the online free dictionary.
But sometimes, what is a socially acceptable code of conduct may be at variance with one’s situation and conforming could be more injurious than helpful to the individual concerned.
When media personality, Stephanie Coker, shared a picture on Instagram yesterday after the news broke that her husband was in a prison custody for allegedly defrauding the public, the social media was out to get her. Strangers were quick to bury her alive in the court of public opinion. No consideration is given to as how their action might affect the lady nor a pause to reflect on what might have prompted her action.
A very vocal school of thought was quick to condemn her action, saying it was inappropriate for her to post pictures while hubby was in prison. Some of the commenters were quite harsh in their condemnation.
A fan @jollychica says: “I love Steph. But this is quite distasteful.”
Another user @niggaslide adds: “@stephaniecoker, iyawo you’re still uploading pictures when your hubby is in Kirikri. I hope you’ve given him food… Women ehn, once there’s money they become your love, if your in trouble, they run as fast as they can.”
@pweetypinkstarr shouts: “oleee (thief). Frauddddd! Go cough out N10 m (a reference to the bail amount) be there posting pictures. Slays in fraud.”
@skylove1990 lashes out: “you don’t even have sense. Is this the time to be forming unbothered, strong woman by posting pictures on IG? Are these cheating rumours? Or don’t you realize your husband is going to sleep within the four walls of a prison yard? About to become an ex-con???? You’re there posting pictures forming strong. It is well with your soul. Instead of you to get the hell off social media, tie your head and march to MFM prayer city to get on your knees and pray for your husband and your home, ya there showing off allowing miscreants that are currently laughing behind you to tell you what to do, commenting “laaaaaav eet” under your senseless and unnecessary post. They said your husband is a thief, you’re posting pictures to show the world everything is okay… If everything was so great, why was he covering his face and why was he being marched on by a prison warden. May God give you sense and heal your fill your shallow brain.”
One user @fumsky attempted to inject some objectivity but not really. She says:
“some people are insensitive about the whole thing. We are humans .. there’s time for laughter and also time to cry. Obasanjo was an ex-convict and yet still respected until tomorrow. Our problem is social media.. so many unwise women in my generation Yes! I can be too sometimes. Stephen, your house is on fire, this isn’t the time to slay anyone.. We know you slay. Stay off!. Be with the man you love and wear your problem with confidence and believe GOD will see you through. Shalom. @stephaniecoker.”
But there were some fans who were more understanding.
User @wonder_jewel writes: “please just stay strong dear @stephaniecoker whether the news is true or false. Always remember this quote “this too shall pass”. No situation is permanent.”
And user @sophiebae_1Nigerians who cautions social media users against being judgmental as that could push some into depression.
She says: “please let’s take it easy the way we attack people. How can you just push someone into depression because you want to advise? Don’t laugh at someone today because the person is passing through hard times, nobody knows tomorrow. @stephaniecoker this too shall pass, you will laugh last.”
What many of those lashing out fail to consider was that Stephanie’s action may well be a coping mechanism to deal with stressful times. There is no denying that the prospect of your husband going to jail for fraudulent reasons would be a daunting one for anybody. Moreover, when the spouse of the accused is an on-air-personality as is the case the for Stephanie, chances are that their career may be massively impacted by the whole affair. So, oh yes, Stephanie Coker must be one stressed human being right now. It is not just that her husband might be going to prison for fraud, she could find herself without a career by the reason of association.
Secondly, different people have different ways they cope with stressful situations. For instance, do you recall the viral video of a lady who survived unscathed a serious accident, and then calmly started making up without a glance at the mayhem surrounding her? It was suggested that her action was a coping mechanism as her mind became diverted to an activity that normally would calm her.
In our opinion, therefore, posting that picture could be a coping mechanism for Stephanie as she tries to come to terms with the situation.
In hindsight, mental health and depression are relatively new concepts in Nigeria and many people are not even aware they exist, or when they know, they tend to associate the conditions with the oyibos. Ignorance, however, is not an excuse. Common sense dictates that we should not be too quick to judge other people.
Stephanie doesn’t need all those bashings from strangers online. Social media has made it so easy for people to make their voices heard, and what with freedom of speech? But convenience and freedom must necessarily be exercised with caution and responsibility. Moreover, the fact that we can express an opinion does not mean we should express it, especially when doing so is guaranteed to do no one any good.
There are a few commenters whose thinking aligned with our perspective. For instance user @klazeofficial notes:
None of us is God and none of us created anyone. So, who are we to judge another’s action? Who is without blemish?
There is this quote about not criticising anyone until you have walked a mile in their shoes, that way you will be a mile away from them and you have their shoes. User @jessica_oyeyipo beautifully articulates that saying when she says:
If only more people will listen to that voice of reason.
